No Joke!
by xoxo Joe Ill be ur spider xoxo
Summary: Do you have a dull life? Need more exitement? Read this series of oneshots and feel better than ever! This is what happens when you leave Connect 3 alone to make a video... Now Updated! Finally!
1. Juice, oranges and spaghetti

Normal: Shane

_Italic: Nate_

**Bold: Jason**

_**Underlined: All**_

* * *

Hello people. My name is Shane Grey. I am a juice box.

_Hi, I'm Nate Grey and I'm dating an orange_**.**

**Yo, I'm Jason and I live in a spaghetti dish.**

And we would like to sell you a car!

There are cars made out of lemonade.

**We can sell you a birdhouse car.**

_All of these cars are illegal in all ways possible and you could go to jail for looking at one!!! :)_

Have a wonderful day!!!!!

_HEY! DON`T EAT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!_

**SORRY DUDE, TOO LATE!!!!**

_BUT I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE!!!! *SOB*_

**WELL YOU CAN PROPOSE ONCE SHE PASSES THROUGH MY INTESTINES!!!**

WHY ARE WE YELLING? This story was supposed to be finished by the end of our commercial for the car place on Dreary Lane!

**Sorry.**

_Sorry._

And 1,2,3,4!

Do you know the muffin man,

The muffin man,

The muffin man?

Do you know the muffin man,

That lives on Dreary Lane?

...

We do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And cut! That`s a rap.

**No... it`s a song!**

_Dude... go back to your spaghetti dish!_

_**Okay... :(**_

* * *

**Hi... this is Socks900... this is a oneshot I wrote when I was bored to get you interested in this account. It`s a joint account with my dear friend Con-Nike... :) **

**socks-wearer**

**ps. check out our seperate storys AND our profile for this one... :) have a wonderful day!**


	2. 32nd day of July

32nd day of July.

What do people do on the 32nd day of July? Well if you are connect 3 you...

Rubber duckies where momentarily taking over the world (only until bath time) while Jason sat on the ceiling fan picking his gorgeous nose. He had his elbow just about in until Nate came in and turned the room upside down.  
" what did you do that for man?!?!?!?!"  
" sorry, Shane wanted me to wash his brain."  
" makes sense... :)"  
Shane walked in the room with his head split in half and his brain in his hands.  
"I'm waiting Nate... My brain isn't going to wash itself you know!!!"  
"Awwwwww... Can't we hula dance first???" Jason cried out in agonizing pain.  
Shane put his brain back in his head so that he could answer the question.  
"Hula dancing's for losers!" he replied then took his brain back out.

Nate went to work on soaking Shane's brain in tomato juice. Once he had finished Jason walked in the room wearing nothing but Barbie Princess sparkly boxers and a dollar store tiara.

Shane ran in behind him wearing his Halloween costume from 87465 years ago.

A dragon.

"Nate! We're playing save the princess. Get your armour on and slay Shane!!!"

"Abracadabra!" he shouted so loud the Martians from Venus could hear him.

He then did the chicken dance followed by the hokey-pokey. Then he blinked 3 times and turned around.

KABOOM!

He turned into a dragon-slaying-not-so-ugly-but-not-so-handsom-because-of-body-odor-and-3-noses prince.

"Shall we?"

Jason ran to the oven and took out a CD. He handed it to Shane who then put it in the fridge.

Then...

_"I'm too sexy for my love  
Too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me"_

Blared through the fridge doors.

Nate started doing head-spins and Jason and Shane did the tango (in their costumes...).

_"I'm too sexy for my shirt  
Too sexy for my shirts  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan  
Too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan  
And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing  
I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk, yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk  
I'm too sexy for my car  
Too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat  
What do you think about that?  
I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk, yeah  
I shake my little tush on the catwalk  
I'm too sexy for my  
Too sexy for my too sexy for my  
'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk yea on the catwalk, yeah  
I shake my little tush on the catwalk  
I'm too sexy for my cat  
Too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat  
I'm too sexy for my love  
Too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me  
And I'm too sexy for this song"_

Suddenly an elephant ran through the door and chased them.

They kept running until they got to the edge of a cliff.

"JUMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP" Nate screamed while hitting his chest with his fists.

They jumped down and all grabbed onto Shane's back as he started swinging on a jungle vine.

"AAAAAHHHHH, YAAAAAAAAAHAHAH, WAAAAAAAA-AH-AH-AH!" Shane yelled (like Tarzan).

Suddenly Nate let go and they fell in a pudding cup.

Shane dipped his finger into the yummy substance.

"Mmmmmm... vanilla! My fave!"

`Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!" Jason yelled in horror. He swam over to Shane and slapped him. "Don`t you know what vanilla pudding is made out of?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Um.... wallets?"

"No.... VANESSA HUDGENS!!" Nate puts his finger in and takes a lick.

His face falls off and melts. Shane picks it up and puts it back on.

"Eeeeewwwww! I think I got a little bit of Zac in there!"

"They must have got in there together!"

As the cow jumped over the moon, it dropped a guitar and microphone to where they were.

They got ready.

A beat.

_"Together, together, together everyone  
Together, together, come on lets have some fun  
Together, were there for each other every time  
Together together come on let's do this right_

_Here and now it's time for celebration  
I finally figured it out (yeah yeah)  
That all our dreams have no limitations  
That's what it's all about_

_Everyone is special in their own way  
We make each other strong (each other strong)  
Were not the same  
Were different in a good way  
Together's where we belong_

_We're all in this together  
Once we know  
That we are  
We're all stars  
And we see that  
We're all in this together  
And it shows  
When we stand  
Hand in hand  
Make our dreams come true_

_Together, together, together everyone  
Together, together, come on lets have some fun  
Together, were there for each other every time  
Together together come on let's do this right_

_We're all here  
and speaking out with one voice  
we're going to rock the house (rock the house)  
the party's on now everybody make some noise  
come on scream and shout_

_We've arrived because we stuck together  
Champions one and all_

_We're all in this together  
Once we know  
That we are  
We're all stars  
And we see that  
We're all in this together  
And it shows  
When we stand  
Hand in hand  
Make our dreams come_

_We're all in this together  
When we reach  
We can fly  
Know inside  
We can make it  
We're all in this together  
Once we see  
There's a chance  
That we have  
And we take it_

_Wild cats sing along  
Yeah, you really got it goin' on  
Wild cats in the house  
Everybody say it now  
Wild cats everywhere  
Wave your hands up in the air  
That's the way we do it  
Lets get to it  
Time to show the world_

_We're all in this together  
Once we know  
That we are  
We're all stars  
And we see that  
We're all in this together  
And it shows  
When we stand  
Hand in hand  
Make our dreams come_

_We're all in this together  
When we reach  
We can fly  
Know inside  
We can make it  
We're all in this together  
Once we see  
There's a chance  
That we have  
And we take it_

_Wild cats everywhere  
Wave your hands up in the air  
That's the way we do it  
Let's get to it  
Come on everyone!"_

Barney The Purple Rapping Dinosaur drove by with Barbie and Ken in the back seat. Nate screamed.

"Wow, there's a warm spot here!" Shane remarked.

"SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS MY BLADDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jason bent down and took a lick.

"Yum... it adds so much flavour to Vanessa and Zac's body's in pudding form!"

"I agree. Well, you know what they say... great minds think like...

HANNAH MONTANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nate blurted out without realizing that he just called his ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-girlfriend smart.

"Well... let's go home now piglets."

A paper fell from the sky. It read:

**Batteries not included. **

**Apples are terrorizing.**

**Shipping and handling included.**

**F49A12**

**POTATOES!!!!**

**...**

**My hanger broke.**

* * *

Shane woke up the next morning (August 1st) with a major hang over... never mind... he had a head ache.

"Wow... that was some dream..."

He sat up to see his bed pilled with the following:

Candy rappers 

Chip bags

Pop cans

Ice cream cartons

Sugar sticks

A bag of sugar and much much more.

And they were all empty!

"That is the last time I eat sugar before bed!"

Just then Jason walks by the room door wearing...

Nothing but Barbie Princess sparkly boxers and a dollar store tiara and humming the catchy tune of the song we're all in this together.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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**How was the second oneshot in this series of oneshots??? Tell us (Socks900 and Con-Nike )**

**Review and tell me!!! I mean us...**

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	3. The Puffy Family

Jason sat on the couch watching TV. Nate and Shane walk in to the room.

"We're going out shopping... be back later!"

**2 hours later...**

The two boys walked in to the room again and sat down cross-legged in front of Jason who was still watching TV.

They were wearing winter jackets.

Nate: OMG! My jacket's name is Mrs. Puffy.

Shane: OM Jonas! Mine is Mr. Puffy! Nate... will you marry me?

Nate: Sure Mr. Puffy, Mrs. Puffy would love to marry you!

**Later...**

Priest: Will you, Mr. Puffy, take Mrs. Puffy to be your wife?

Shane: I do.

Priest: Will you, Mrs. Puffy, take Mr. Puffy to be your husband?

Nate: I do.

Priest: okay, I now pronounce you husband and wife... yada, yada, yada... my work is done. (Priest turns out to be Wal-Mart clerk)

Shane: So... where should our jackets have their honeymoon...?

They leave the room.

Jason: Wow. And they thought _I _was the weird one...

* * *

**This is Socks900... have a great day!!!!!!!!!!**

**review!**


	4. Chapter 7843674589648 that's right

_Hey People! This is Con-Nike, updating this story for the very first time! Eeep, I'm so excited!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Rock, Twilight, James Bond, Tim Hortons, or George Clooney. _

_Note: Bold is the narrator voice._

* * *

**Our story begins with a two very bored pop stars...**

Nate walks into the room to see Shane scribbling in a thick paperback with an apple on the front.

"Whatcha doing?" Nate asked in his most annoying voice.

"Rewriting Twilight."

**Which is illegal, by the way.**

"Oh you be quiet!" Shane said

**Okay, okay. No need to yell. *sniff **

Shane tapped his head against his pen thoughtfully. "Who should the axe murderer mutilate in a blender... Bella or Edward.... hmmm"

"Shane!" Nate interrupted. "You have to write about your own experiences to make it sound good. That's very bad writing etiquette." He stuck up his nose snobbishly.

Shane rolls his eyes.

Just then, Jason walked in. The left side of his body was wearing a gangsta outfit, while his right side wore a tux. Two cell phones were pressed up against his face, one on each ear.

"Who are you?" Shane asked

His right side answered. "I'm Jassonance" He said in a British accent.

"And I'm J-dawg" His left side said.

"Bond. James Bond." George Clooney appears out of thin air with a _poof!_

Shane rubbed his hands together, with a look that clearly indicated he was about to murder a sundae.

"Perfect..." He purred.

* * *

A miniature-sized Clooney pounded on the blender walls.

"Lemme out! Lemme out! Please! I'm too young to die..." He sobbed in a squeaky high voice.

"Oh please." A British chipmunk voice said. "Gentlemen do not beg." Jassonance crossed his arms in a very gentleman-y way.

"Yo! Not cool dude!" J-Dawg shook his fist at the giant Shane about to press the puree button.

Giant Nate stood next to him. "I thought you were an axe-murderer, not a puree-murderer."

Shane shook his head. "I'm not. I'm a therapist."

"That makes no sense" Nate replied.

"So how do you feel about that?" Shane said in his obnoxious therapist voice.

"Terrible! It's all my Father's fault! He wouldn't buy me a puppy when I was a kid!" Nate sobbed.

"There there." Shane patted his shoulder.

"Could we get on with this? I'm going to be late for afternoon tea." Jassonance said

Just then, Edward Cullen burst in with super speed. "Oh my gosh, that smells so good!"

He picked up Nate bridal-style and carried him out.

Shane shrugged. "Ah well. Where were we?"

He looked back to the blender, only to see a brown liquid in it. He stuck in his finger and licked it.

"Mmm... Iced Capp from Timmy's!"

A few seconds later, he was gasping and withering on the floor.

"Nooo!!!! Not decaf!!!!!"

Nate walks in and lays his arm over Shane's shoulder. Then, he sniffed his neck.

"What are you doing?" Shane asked.

"Just enjoying your scent."

Shane blinked and shrugged. "Okay."

Bella Swan walks in, slaps Shane, then walks out.

**HA! Sucker...**

A superhero flew in, wearing a cape with a giant T, ready to save the day.

"I'm T!" He said. "And you've just been T'd!"

**With a zap, time rewound itself, right back to the beginning of time. **

"Oh my! Her water just broke"

**Er, that was a little too far. **

Nate walks in to see Shane engrossed in a book with an apple on the cover.

**Much better**

"Whatcha doing?" Nate asks annoyingly.

"I'm reading. Sheesh, what do you think I'm doing." Shane snapped.

Nate scratched his head. "I could've sworn... oh never mind."

He walked back out again.

Shane pulled a blender from behind his back.

"Mua ha ha"


	5. 894 Freaks and Proud of It

**S=Shane Grey**

**N=Nate Brick**

**J=Jason Tree**

**F=Frankie Brick**

* * *

S – I can't breathe

J – He's trying to kill me. Seriously how did we get here? Can u add songs 2 my iPod

F – Hubba hubba come close to me

J – Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

S – That sounded so wrong

N – You guys are freaks!!!

J – You can get rid of Taylor swift!!

S – Yay! She's gone!!!

F – That sounds like a national geographic movie

S – it's the scary theme music of your life... give me my baby!

J – I'm not a pedophile!

S – You're not. You're just a paediatric therapist!

J – I want music on my iPod!!!

F – I need to show you something... oh, what's' that smell???

J – Your face! Why is combat baby here?

N- You type then... hi! It's me Nate! Ain't I purdy?

J- I want Demi Lovato... in my pants

N- **lmao

F- Will u marry me?

N- Connect 3 sucks

F- Flush, flush, FLUSH....

S- (What the heck am I doing here?)

N- **obsessively chanting Jonas, Jonas, Jonas!!!

J- **staring at Demi poster

F- Your belly's soft

S- I know, right? Six-pack.... no 8-pack!

N- Its messed

j- It's been toyed with

F-**blah blah blah

N- My pants are rad!

J- I need the Twilight playlist on my iPod

S- Freaks

N- My hand tastes so delicious

F- In my cereal

S-**cough creeps cough** I need to go now... I'd better go before these creeps rub off on me.

N – I have pizza on my shit... I mean shirt...

F – You have a zit on your face!

J – Can I borrow your phone?

F – Eat me I'm delicious!

J – What do you mean? I have my iPod here! Where's the phone (X4)... can I use your phone?

F – Mom, I'm not going to eat chicken. F is for Frankie... blah blah blah. She's there!

J – Thank you.

S - **waves goodbye

N – Sigh! My life is never normal!

J - ** still on phone

F – I wish I had your eyebrows!

J – it's just a sad dark place. It smelled bad too. My friends said it was pathetic because I was put in a dumpster. Ya. I tried looking 4 my mom but went in a circle and came back home.

N – So how do you feel about that?

F – Stop being a therapist!!!!

N – inside joke.

J – No one is answering the phone. I should call my brother...

N – Since when did you have a brother?

J – since forever.

N – So Frankster how was your day?

F – Nate, put on your pants!

N – But they were never off...

F – That's what you think... **cue evil laughter

J – Julio, are you with mom? No, I think so, I don't know. What happened? You guys had to pick me up. See-yah, see-yah, see-yah, see-yah!!!

All- BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

F – Evil, evil, evil

N – Good_bye_ Franklyn Nathanial Prick!

F - ???

N - **Blushes... I mean Brick...

* * *

Hey! it's Socks here! Off to work on other stuff (a one shot for this called "Joe Jonas Is My Mother")

Review!!!

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	6. The Puffy Family Part 2

**The Puffy Family... part 2**

"Plaid Putrid Puffy! Get your butt down here right this instant!"

"But mo-om..."

"You heard me! And where the heck is your father?"

"At the dry cleaners. Where else?"

"Well, go find him then! And make sure he's not conniving with that slutty down jacket! She thinks she's all that cause she's bio-degradable? Ha! She's not getting her goosly hands on my hubby!"

Plaid grumbled in silent complaint as he slid off his hanger.

* * *

Jason tore open Nate's bedroom door.

"Hey Nate, I need a—WOAH!"

He tripped over a red plaid puffy jacket lying on the floor, landing with his face under the rug.

"You know what? I am SICK and TIRED of being SICK and TIRED!" Jason shook his fist at the sky before grabbing the jacket and tossing it out the window.

* * *

"We are gathered here together to commemorate a life that was taken much too quickly. A shame, really, that such a fun, happy, inspiring, innocent, young jacket was torn from our hearts and thrown to the wind. Plaid Putrid Puffy came from a dysfunctional, yet fully functional family. He was born in a place known to many as Wal-Mart, but to him, it would always be called home. Unfortunately, young Puffy was brutally murdered by a cactus at a local restaurant, and then trampled by a horde of elephants. At least that was the official story Chuck gave us... We can never know for sure. All we know is that Plaid will always be remembered, as long as our mind and soul is always fed... so let's eat!"

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_A/N: So... I was getting kinda hungry towards the end there so... food! I need sustenance!_

_Review!_

_This chapter was brought to you by: Con-Nike- the best shoe brand you'll ever know!  
_


	7. I know what Jason did last summer

**A/N(s): Con-Nike: Yes, were back like super soon! Isn't this exciting? Socks900 FINALLY read the last chapter that I posted and was like WOAH and was like LETS DO THAT AGAIN! so here we are... in boldinized form...**

_(Socky) : AAAAAAHHHHHHH! I LOVE YOU! YOYO! ...ness..._

**(C-N): Enough of that... lets get to da readin, so they can get 2 da reviewen`... **

* * *

**I know what Jason did last summer...**

:

-"guys...? I seem to be glued to the wall..."

-"um... can you un-glue me from the pool?"

-"I'M STUCK TO THE GLUE REMOVER!"

-"my book won't open! ... wait, wrong side... false alarm..."

-"Why does my watch tick backwards?"

-"My hand is stuck to my wrist! ... wait a minute..."

-"Shane, your glasses are stuck to the faucet!"

-"Shane, your glasses are stuck to my leg!"

-"Shane... a little help here?"

-"Guys? ...The potato won't let go!"

-"CALORIES! AHHHHH!"

-"Guys?... Why is my big toe attached to my nose? Is that normal?... Call the doctor!"

-"Um, Nate? You might wanna write those lyrics again... They're kinda in a predicament..."

-"Has anyone seen my feathered pen?"

-"RUN! IT'S A CANTELOPE!"

-"Great. I lost another shoe..."

-"Nate? Do you mind getting a haircut?... I kinda want my eraser back..."

-"Gasp! There's a bird in there!"

-"Quick, get the butter!"

"... never mind. Shane, I found your gum..."

"Uhh... who's pants am I stuck in?"

-"Guys? I seem to be stuck in a computer screen... guys? ...LEMME OUT! AHHH!"


End file.
